Throughts from a very encouraging tree

Ok, so I didn’t want to start out every post by sharing my prompt, but this time I once again feel the need to do so, so that I may give proper commentary. Here it is (it’s long!):

Last time I had you go outside and be with yourself for a little while. Well, this time is going to require some action as well. This time I want you to go outside again (maybe you’re already outside...if that is the case..that’s great!); however, instead of spending time with yourself, I want you to spend time with others. Go to the quad and sit with a group of people you don’t know, or go to the park and talk to someone you don’t know. Maybe they’re playing volleyball––ask to join in. Maybe they’re playing basketball––ask to join in. Maybe there are kids playing with their imaginations––play with them, laugh with them. Take some time to be with other people. Allow your story to interact with theirs. Do this for as long as you want. I know it is uncomfortable, but life isn’t comfortable––good ole’ Donald says the same thing over and over again in the book. GO! and be with others. Listen to them, talk to them, see them, let them see you. It’s awkward, yes, but it is the story of humanity. I’m a very naturally shy person, honestly, but what is the worst that can happen to you? Someone says, “No, you can’t play with us.” That’s fine. Just say ok and go along your way. Someone looks at you and laughs at you––does that really define who you are? 

After doing that––I want you to write about it. What were your fears as you interacted with others? What were you thinking about? How did you listen? Write about being with other people––especially being with other people without an agenda. Just write at what your heart is telling you. Be honest, be raw. Be you and just write.

I’d like to start out by saying that I did NOT want to do this prompt. I began work by finishing my reading of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, and to tell the truth I was rather depressed. Depressed because of the truth of Donald Miller’s commentary on our apathetic lives. Because I saw the “bad stories” he talked of in me, and even though I read his inspiring story of “writing a better story”, I couldn’t help think, “Well, that’s great for him, but not me…” and wondering if I could ever change.

I think the passage that got me the most was this: “I didn’t want to get well, because if I got well, nobody would come and save me anymore.” I think that this is an amazing truth. The whole world is looking for a savior; as Miller says, “It’s written in the fabric of our DNA that life used to be beautiful and now it isn’t, and if only we had this and if only that, it would be beautiful again.” Even as Christians, we look for saviors, and in some way forget the fact that we are ALREADY saved. But I digress…

Like I said, I did NOT want to do this prompt. Miller’s book may have been meant to encourage people into action, but for me it literally made me want to cry. Because I’m not like him. I couldn’t do that. And to tell the truth, 90% of my being doesn’t even want to try. Most of me wants to be lazy old me, who sits around and does nothing in particular, and is self-centered and absent-minded; who claims to want adventure, yet never goes looking for it. The girl who cries herself to sleep wondering if God Himself could ever change stubborn-hearted, sadly-indifferent, hypocritical me. Because it’s one thing to hear about great stories: I hear about so many great stories, about normal people doing great things for God. But those stories aren’t about ME, and I feel like I could never in my wildest dreams, never in a million billion lifetimes, live up to anything like that. Because if I ever got the chance, I wouldn’t take it. And if I did, I would fail. Sometimes I feel like the wimpiest person on the planet: I live SUCH a blessed life, yet all I do is complain and pity myself. I’m not sure this springs from a lack of faith in God, but a lack of faith in me. Or at least that’s what I tell myself…

Anyway, to cut this long ramble short, I realized the point of this prompt was exactly what I was feeling: I felt that I never did anything active in my life, so this prompt was telling me to do so. So, very reluctantly, I did. Here’s the story:

I left Walker dorm as the sun was just beginning to set and walked towards the quad. There was a group sitting by the trees who I pointed myself towards, but before I got there I heard laugher. What was strange about the laughter was that it was not coming from the same level I was on – in fact it was soon clear that the laughter was coming from a nearby tree. So I turned from by intended path and went to the base of the tree. I asked if I might join them and the two people I saw near the top waved down and bid me come up. I knew both of them vaguely, I had at least talked to them once or twice as a friend-of-a-friend.  I then heard a “Hi!” From a more familiar voice the very top of the tree. Apparently our mutual friend had climbed to the absolute highest point of the tree, and the others were laughing and telling him to get down before he fell down. Anyway, I began my ascent with some trouble, as I had worn my smooth shoes, which provided no traction to speak of. After a few tried and much encouragement, I hoisted myself up onto the lowest branch and began my climb.

I must say now that I am not at all confident in trees. Nor am I very comfortable with heights. I’d like to be good at it, but instead I normally just get nervous and sweaty-palmed and shaky. Nevertheless, I climbed higher and higher until I was near the top with them. I expressed my doubts about my climbing ability and my shoes, and they said I was a fine climber, and that they were all barefoot for the same reasons. I took off my shoes and socks with one hand and tossed them to the ground far below. And we sat climbing and monkeying and maneuvering around the branches of this wonderful and tall tree, and watching the sun set beautifully above the Library building – which we could see over the top of.

I felt somehow accomplished, yet at the same time like nothing special. It was that sort of subtle accomplishment when you are proud of yourself for living up to what you knew you could do, and what so many others had done easily. I didn’t feel uncomfortable in that tree at all, perhaps because of my company, for they were all agile and very encouraging.

In a little while another friend of theirs came and we encouraged her to join us. She was very hesitant and quite frightened to be in the tree but me and one of the guys there encouraged her and helped her get around. It felt good to be the encourager, not just the encouraged – the helper, and not just the one that needed helping. I told her that I myself was quite scared of heights and trees, but that I was fine, and she would be too. After helping her get around a bit, we all decided that it was dinner time and went to eat together. I met a few more of their friends and we talked for a while before getting ice cream and parting company.

I may not have fulfilled this prompt perfectly, as several of the people I went and found were people I at leads vaguely knew – one of them a friend from before JBU. But the point is I went out and found them. I did something. Which is more than I can normally say.

I ‘m not sure if this calms any of my self-doubts or makes me think that I’m on the way to change, but all the same, I am very happy I followed through with this prompt, no matter how much I didn’t want to.

I apologize for the incohesiveness of this post and the long and cumbersome story I just related. But my basic conclusion is this: It’s not as hard as I think it is to go out and DO things. Not only that, but I CAN do it. And I know that sounds like the wimpiest conclusion you’ve ever heard, but to tell the truth it’s something I needed to be reminded of.

If I may turn back to Miller’s book now: I like what he said about living more active and meaningful stories, but to tell the truth, I still think he may have the wrong emphasis. It is much more important, I think, to live a GOOD life, according to God’s morals, that it is to live an active one. I think God wants us to be active, but we must be sure that it is the right kind of action. Nevertheless, it was a great reminder that God does not call us to apathy – something I often fall into in favor of my merely theoretical and philosophical focus.

In short: I hope to be climbing trees and watching sunsets and meeting friends a lot more often that I have. I hope you do too!

Kel

Amazed by Amazement and In Search of a Dream

I have to begin this post by telling you all my prompt, as some comments I am going to make address it particularly. It’s rather long, but here it is:

Before you write your response, I want you to do something. I want you to go outside. I’m not going to say for how long, because this isn’t something to check-off your list. I want you to go outside and just be for a little while. Be. Listen. Be. For this activity, I don’t want you to be with anyone. Be by yourself for a little while. Really allow yourself to BE with yourself (this may sound odd..but seriously, I want you to do this). And as you sit with yourself, I want you to ask yourself this question:

What is my dream? What is that one thing that makes me feel most alive––the most alive that I have ever been?

And I want you to be real honest with yourself. Don’t listen to the voices in your head..don’t listen to the pressure you feel from either yourself, your parents, your friends, or any other source. I want you to listen to your heart. To truly listen to your heart. And then after you have spent time with yourself...I want you to go back inside and write. Write about it. Write about your dreams, your fears. Write about whatever tugs at your heartstrings. Just write.

Alright, I fist must bring a small complaint: I really hate the phrase “Listen to your heart”. I like where this prompt is coming from, but really, shouldn’t we re-phrase this a little? In spending time “by yourself” are you not spending time alone in the company of God? In “listening to your heart” wouldn’t you be better off listening to the God of the universe, as opposed to this sick, mortal, “Deceitful and desperately wicked” organ of human flesh? Alright, complaint over. Now on to the soul-searching that this post calls for.

I loved the main question of this: What is your dream? What is one thing that makes you feel most alive – the most alive you have ever been? What a brilliant question. It is all at once the hardest and easiest query one will ever encounter; the question that everyone spends their entire life searching to answer, yet when they discover it, it is the most natural of replies, and we realize that it could never be any other answer than the one we’ve found.

All the same, I’m only 18 years into this journey of a lifetime, and though I hope and know that there is one sure answer that I shall one day find, I am hesitant to answer for fear that my answer will fall short or change. However answer I must, and not only because it’s my prompt: Because it is a question worth answering, and one that indeed needs to be answered, the sooner the better. So let’s get on with it. What makes me feel alive?

After thinking on this for some time, I’ve come to a few conclusions: the first is simple: Being amazed.  I know it is probably a universal aspect of human nature, but that makes it no less valid. I feel the most alive when I stand amazed at the realization of God’s truth. I love searching out the deepest implications of His truth, and simply standing amazed at His incomprehensible nature and character and creation. I also really love sharing this amazement with others. I love saying “Have you ever wondered…?” “Have you ever noticed…?” “Isn’t is amazing that…?” I just love it. I love learning about things I love, and I lover pondering deep questions and their implications. In particular, I love discovering the implications of the nature of God, the nature of man, and the nature of the relationship between God and man. Man is such an amazing creature, and I find one of his most amazing aspects is his ability to be amazed. Above all this aspect proclaims God’s greatness and how amazing HE is! I love it. God didn’t have to make us this way, but He chose to. The whole world is like that. Every time I learn something new or am amazed by something I remember that God did not have to make the world as He did, but He chose to, and He called it “very good”. I think when we get to heaven, we will live in a constant state of amazement, in the best way possible. The kind of amazement that, instead of making us incapable of responding, makes us incapable of doing anything else. The kind that makes us more alive than we have ever been.

My other conclusion is more puzzling and is in response to the first question: What is your dream? The answer, in short, is “I don’t know.” And in length is “I don’t know if I know.” You see, as I said before, I am rather hesitant to claim any one dream in this moment, as I don’t want to shut any doors that may look more to my liking later (In other words: I am the most indecisive person on the planet. My family can testify to this). I don’t know that I have a dream right now. My dream is to continue my college education, and to discover what God wants me to do both in that and afterwards. Perhaps this is just me being scared of commitment or just scared of life in general. I can admit to that. But right now, I don’t know what the practical form of what makes me feel alive would be. I’ve told you what I like, I need someone to tell me how to use it.

These questions made me think up a few more to follow them. First, as opposed to your dream: What is your fear? In other words: What is stopping you? In what way can you entrust this to God and live by faith in Him? And other question that pertains more to what I have already said here: As opposed to listening to our hearts, how can we know God’s voice when He speaks? How do we know what our dream is or should be? What if we don’t have one? Are we not listening to God when He speaks, or has He simply told us to wait a while, and He will show us in due course? How can we know?

Kel

P.S. Some of these questions may not have straight answers, but a lot of the best questions end up being frustrating like that. Here is one universal answer to finish on: Prayer. In response to my latter question, personal time spent with God in prayer and in His word may be our best help to finding answers. As to my former set of questions, I’d like to share a prayer that you may have heard before, but it’s worth repeating. I had heard this some time ago, but was reminded of it the other day by one of the amazing professors here at JBU, and I have been reading it in the morning before I go off to my workstudy (and today before my Old Testament Survey exam!). Perhaps you can think on it as you go out and "be" with yourself and with God, as I encourage everyone to. It's a beautiful day, for it is one that the Lord has made and granted that we might live to see it. It's a beautiful world, for it is one that the Lord has made and granted that we might live in it. Go enjoy the time and place you've been given! And think on this prayer:

The Prayer of Saint Patrick:

As I arise today,
may the strength of God pilot me,
the power of God uphold me,
the wisdom of God guide me.
May the eye of God look before me,
the ear of God hear me,
the word of God speak for me.
May the hand of God protect me,
the way of God lie before me,
the shield of God defend me,
the host of God save me.
May Christ shield me today.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit,
Christ when I stand,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
Amen

A Better Standard and Other Thoughts

I’d like to start off with something that has nothing to do with the prompt I have been given and everything to do with the chapters I was to read of Rising to the Call. (In fact, this is so not-on-topic that to my group leader, if you are grading this, feel free to skip down to the prompt below (it’s in italics) :P )

Although I had only read the first 2 chapters before uploading the previous post, the third chapter of this book actually began with the same kind of statements I had made! I loved the name – Do what you are. It is true that this is a very dangerous proposal, for if a man was to, without God, “do as he is”, or “be himself”, then he would quickly end up following his sinful nature in the worst degree (See my post a while back on Tumblr on this subject! http://kelenloth.tumblr.com/post/10033090622/if-you-thought-i-was-reblogging-this-because-of ) BUT if a Christian is to live in Christ and find identity in Him, than this statement is a wonderful idea! Be and do who what and who you are in Christ!

The other thing I wanted to say before moving on to the prompt was this: Sometimes it’s really hard for me to read about calling, especially the calling of people like Einstein or Cultrain or Menuhun (mentioned in the text). It’s hard because I feel so different from them. The book talks so much about answering calling and about how calling should define us and what we do, and all of that, and I’m sitting here going “Wow, all of those amazing people really answered  strong call in their life and that’s amazing… But what if I don’t have a call like that? What if I don’t know what I should be doing? What if I can’t find my strengths or how to use them? What if I don’t feel called to anything at all? What then? Do I live an unfulfilling life? Am I a failure?” The text moves on to talk about how because we live in a fallen world, not everyone can live out their calling fully in this life, and sometimes we have to take jobs that we don’t like in order to survive and keep going towards a larger goal… but I don’t want to be one of those people. I know God has given us all a general call to follow Him and to spread His name, but sometimes it’s REALLY hard to do that when we see absolutely no plan for HOW we are to go about it. Then there is all the evidence in our lives of the times we’ve failed to follow that call already, and the dread that maybe we won’t be able to change….

ANYWAY, sorry I seriously just went off on a terrible tangent there of my own recent thoughts/ponderings… I suppose I should move onto the PROMT.

Who are some of the audiences for whom we feel the pressure to perform?  Given these pressures, how can students perform for an audience of one?

Oh goodness, there are a lot, aren’t there? Parents, teachers, peers, ourselves…I think I shall focus on that last one if I might.

While our personal standards are often defined by the standards of our family, friends, or just the world around us, I find that they are almost always the hardest to live up to. Or at least mine are. Whatever I do, I never think it’s good enough. I can slip into this rut where all I can see of myself is my failures, and it’s quite depressing. However, before an Audience of One, as the book suggests we don’t have to worry about this. It’s not really the fact that we have an audience of One, although they does do a lot when so many conflicting requests are brought to us by outside sources. Nevertheless, I think that WHO that One is makes all the difference. Because really, if I think “The only standard I have to live up to is God’s” then I’m pretty much screwed – I’m in waaaaaaay deeper trouble than if I had to worry about mine and my parents and my peers. At least their’s are humanly possible! The IMPORTANT thing to remember is “The only standard I have to live up to is that of the God who loves and saved and forgave me.”

We have real freedom in Christ and we have the freedom to relax, even in the knowledge that we are sinners and are mortal and fall short. Because no matter what, God saved us. He KNOWS that we fall short and we can’t make it on our own. It turns out that our Audience of One is the most forgiving audience that we could ever hope for! Now this does not mean we should forget about the Audience, but that we should try to please Him even more, because we CAN! It really blows my mind that we puny little human beings can PLEASE God Almighty. Not on our own, obviously, but with His help we can – and that’s really astounding. As such, we should live in a way to do so to our utmost – to do what we were born to do, which is to live out our being made in God’s image and our being redeemed by His power and grace.

As for practical examples a student could use: Stop freaking out because you didn’t get an A! God knows that you’re human and you have struggles - he does NOT require you to get an A. Rest in Him and know that no matter your own standards, your parents, your teachers, or your school’s, He still loves you. Because of this, feel free to take time off of your studies to follow the Lord. The other day I had an essay to write and a test to study for, but instead I was simply laying out on the wet grass at 10 at night gazing up at the stars and simply reveling in awestruck wonder at God’s handiwork, and wordlessly worshipping Him. And I think that was time MUCH better spent than it would be studying. Even if I don’t get an A on that paper or test. The Audience of One – the Almighty God who made me and loves me and saved me and forgives me – is pleased. What more could I ask for?

Questions: What other standards (besides grades) do we hold ourselves to that we THINK are God’s standards, that are really our own? Or conversely: At what point are we following our own desires and claiming that they are God’s?

What? Why? Who?

(If I may steal an introductory point from Daniel Ostendorff) There is one question that plagues practically all modern college students: “What is your major?” While it is a great question that helps quickly identify not only interest but schedule, work load, certain social interaction, hopes of career, and personality, I believe there is far too much emphasis put on this query. Because were not just asking “What is your major?”, there are several more questions that go along with such a question: What will you do with it? What kind of job do you want? What kind of person are you? What do you hope to accomplish in life? All of these are implied by those four simple words. And it does not stop after college: “What is your job?” comes next, with even more implications to be made.

But should it be so? Should we really be so defined by things like major or job? Such questions are our way of characterizing and categorizing people, and are in a sense both smart and necessary. But at the same time they can make us forget that we are PEOPLE. Not jobs. But it’s not the questions’ fault – it is our entire mindset. This world defines everything we are by what we do – even in Donald Miller’s “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years”, he says that “A character is what he does”. But on this I must disagree with Miller. A character is not ONLY what he does. “What” is not the only question, and when defining a person we mustn’t simply stop with “What” they do. We must delve deeper and ask my favorite question – “Why?”

Why is that your major? Why do you want that job? Why are you doing that? Why do you want what you want? All of these are, in my mind, much more important questions than the afore mentioned “what” questions, because they reveal something about the actual person – their intentions, motivations, and inner thought on the subject. And in the end, the answers to these “why” questions make a big difference; Two different people could be doing the same thing for different reasons. A person might say they are a political science major, or a politician, and that might tell you a little. But if you ask “why?” they might say because it pays well, or they want power, or the want to help people in need. And each of these would tell you a little bit more. All of these “Why” questions, however, ultimately lead even further down to another form of inquiry: “Who?”

“Who are you?” That is the question we really mean to ask. And it is a very meaningful question indeed. Because who you as is more than what you do and more than why you do it – it is a completely different kind of question, and can be very hard to answer. For the Christian, however, it does not even stop there. In order to answer the question “Who am I?” We must first answer another: “Who is God?” And this is when we really get down to it. Because it doesn’t matter what your job is or why you have that job or even who you are unless all of it is in relation to something bigger and more meaningful than your little mortal helpless self.

This is because of who God is; the source of all creation and identity and meaning and life. As John Calvin said in his Institutes “Without the knowledge of God there is no knowledge of self”. As image bearers of God and redeemed souls we must not define ourselves by our actions. If we did so, we would all be damned. But through the freedom of Christ we have an identity separate from our actions – one that has real meaning, and is founded is God himself.

All this to say – In Os Guinness’ book Rising to the Call Oswald Chambers is quoted to have said “The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him.” That is, we are so deceived by this world’s emphasis on works that we put more stock and importance on our work for Christ that we forget our true identity. We are so concerned with our action and intentions – our what and why – that we forget that all that really matters is who. Who we are and who Christ is. It is easy for a Christian to become concerned with reaching the lost and giving to the poor and such ministries that they overwork themselves and sacrifice their own spiritual well being and focus on Christ. We focus on what WE are doing and not what CHRIST has done. All of our service to Christ is a response – it is never an action by itself.

There is no way that any action we make can make God love us more – He already loves us with the utmost love – an inconceivable amount. Our service to Him is not to win an award or to prove our love to Him, but to grow closer to His love by experiencing it in our lives – by loving others and having faith. He does not need our service – we do. 

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Phil. 1:9-11 (NIV)

I’ve been asked to follow this with some practical examples. Here’s an easy one: becoming overcommitted to serving the community (whether the city, the school, a club, or just a group of friends) to the point where it no longer brings you closer to God. Doing hard work and being tired is different than doing more work that you should. Being tired allows you to rest in God and gain His strength. Working hard exercises you the way he made you. Over extending yourself, on the other hand, is draining without refilling. It’s a different level for everyone, so it is hard to define. For a college student it might be becoming involved with too many campus ministries and groups because they all do good work for God. God may want you to just focus on your studies, and that’s ok.

Questions: How do you know how much is too much? What happens when you don’t feel like you’re growing closer to God? How do you know what He wants you to persevere through and what He wants you to leave for someone else to accomplish?

Answers: I don’t know. With God’s help, maybe I can strive to find out.

Kel

The Want of Something to Want

I’d like to start off by saying how much I am absolutely LOVING Donald Miller’s “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years”. The book is truly eye-opening and the more relatable story I have ever heard – Miller understands things that I thought no one else felt. And I love his laid-back style. Anyway, on with the questions…

Chapter 20 of Miller’s book ends with a fascination statement: “It made me wonder if the reason our lives seem so muddles id because we keep walking into scenes in which we, along with the people around us, have no clear idea what we want.” This made me think: What do I want? (Ok, so the blog prompt I’m supposed to be responding to helped a little) It really is a good question, because to tell the truth I’m not sure I have an answer. What is it I want? I could give all kinds of answers here: Maybe I want to live a good life, or I want to be remembered, I want to bring God glory, I want to be a blessing to others, I could want all kinds of things. But what is it I DO want? The more I think about it the more I think the answer is this: I want to know what it is that I want and what it is that I should want. I know that’s kinda confusing. Right now, if I’m honest, I want to 1.) Be done with my homework and have a really long break 2.) Not get up early tomorrow, and 3.) Be able to do something about Moffat’s absolute ruining of my fav. TV show Doctor Who… but none of those three will happen any time soon. In the long run I want to 1.) Grow closer to God and discover what His plans are for me 2.) DO something about said plans as I discover them, 3.) Pursue my interests,  and 4.) Loose some (ok a lot) of weight. I know that last one seems different from the others, but it is the most physically obtainable and perhaps the area in which I have failed the most, despite having so much help and opportunity.

Oh, I’m supposed to be answering more than one question… the other is basically “how have you changed since coming to JBU?” And my answer to that is: Well obviously I’ve changed somewhat – I’ve changed my major from psychology to philosophy. I’ve changed my sleeping habits a bit and I’ve had a much tighter schedule. I’m still just as rubbish at remembering things as I used to be, I’ve stopped watching TV save for a few Doctor Who and Top Gear episodes when I can get them to load on MegaVideo… I’ve grown a lot more bogged down by all of this homework but at the same time I’ve found more time than ever to simply enjoy reading or being with friends. I think this change – this leap into the uncomfortable – has been good for me, spiritually, as it’s forced me to really rely on God and has opened my eyes even more to Him and His people. But at the same time it seems to have worn me out, as I’m already praying for a break and some real rest.

So in short: Want= To find what it is I should be doing, Change= More tired, eyes more open than ever to God.

Kel

Fifteen Minutes

When most people try to think up important memories they try to think back to their childhood to see what they can recall; funny, sad, or even not that special. But one of the moment that I know I will always remember happened not that long ago. It was my final presentation of High school. At my school, a small privet/home school in Texas, instead of having a graduation ceremony each student in the class gives their final presentation; a fifteen minute speech on the subject of their choice to illustrate what they had learned over the past four years in school. I remember sitting there practically shaking with fright, knowing that it was almost my turn. I had been preparing for weeks, but I would never know how well I had done until I stood before that terrifying microphone and opened my mouth. And then the teacher called my name and the room clapped politely and I walked up onto the stage. My speech began with a quote from Hamlet and concerned the uniquely human nature of mankind. Perhaps I remember it because I did indeed get the best grade in the class, or because everyone there said I did so well, but even more than that I remember it because I felt that for once I had done something right. I felt that I had something that I did that I could look back on and be proud of. I had accomplished something important to me. Or as Donald Miller might say: I wanted something and overcame conflict to get it. In that moment I lived a good story and I found myself doing what I knew God wanted me to do.

I’m supposed to keep this short so I’ll stop there, but here are two questions to finish off: What is the difference between success and accomplishment? And if you had to define your life’s passion and interest in fifteen minutes what would you say?

Kel