Amazed by Amazement and In Search of a Dream

I have to begin this post by telling you all my prompt, as some comments I am going to make address it particularly. It’s rather long, but here it is:

Before you write your response, I want you to do something. I want you to go outside. I’m not going to say for how long, because this isn’t something to check-off your list. I want you to go outside and just be for a little while. Be. Listen. Be. For this activity, I don’t want you to be with anyone. Be by yourself for a little while. Really allow yourself to BE with yourself (this may sound odd..but seriously, I want you to do this). And as you sit with yourself, I want you to ask yourself this question:

What is my dream? What is that one thing that makes me feel most alive––the most alive that I have ever been?

And I want you to be real honest with yourself. Don’t listen to the voices in your head..don’t listen to the pressure you feel from either yourself, your parents, your friends, or any other source. I want you to listen to your heart. To truly listen to your heart. And then after you have spent time with yourself...I want you to go back inside and write. Write about it. Write about your dreams, your fears. Write about whatever tugs at your heartstrings. Just write.

Alright, I fist must bring a small complaint: I really hate the phrase “Listen to your heart”. I like where this prompt is coming from, but really, shouldn’t we re-phrase this a little? In spending time “by yourself” are you not spending time alone in the company of God? In “listening to your heart” wouldn’t you be better off listening to the God of the universe, as opposed to this sick, mortal, “Deceitful and desperately wicked” organ of human flesh? Alright, complaint over. Now on to the soul-searching that this post calls for.

I loved the main question of this: What is your dream? What is one thing that makes you feel most alive – the most alive you have ever been? What a brilliant question. It is all at once the hardest and easiest query one will ever encounter; the question that everyone spends their entire life searching to answer, yet when they discover it, it is the most natural of replies, and we realize that it could never be any other answer than the one we’ve found.

All the same, I’m only 18 years into this journey of a lifetime, and though I hope and know that there is one sure answer that I shall one day find, I am hesitant to answer for fear that my answer will fall short or change. However answer I must, and not only because it’s my prompt: Because it is a question worth answering, and one that indeed needs to be answered, the sooner the better. So let’s get on with it. What makes me feel alive?

After thinking on this for some time, I’ve come to a few conclusions: the first is simple: Being amazed.  I know it is probably a universal aspect of human nature, but that makes it no less valid. I feel the most alive when I stand amazed at the realization of God’s truth. I love searching out the deepest implications of His truth, and simply standing amazed at His incomprehensible nature and character and creation. I also really love sharing this amazement with others. I love saying “Have you ever wondered…?” “Have you ever noticed…?” “Isn’t is amazing that…?” I just love it. I love learning about things I love, and I lover pondering deep questions and their implications. In particular, I love discovering the implications of the nature of God, the nature of man, and the nature of the relationship between God and man. Man is such an amazing creature, and I find one of his most amazing aspects is his ability to be amazed. Above all this aspect proclaims God’s greatness and how amazing HE is! I love it. God didn’t have to make us this way, but He chose to. The whole world is like that. Every time I learn something new or am amazed by something I remember that God did not have to make the world as He did, but He chose to, and He called it “very good”. I think when we get to heaven, we will live in a constant state of amazement, in the best way possible. The kind of amazement that, instead of making us incapable of responding, makes us incapable of doing anything else. The kind that makes us more alive than we have ever been.

My other conclusion is more puzzling and is in response to the first question: What is your dream? The answer, in short, is “I don’t know.” And in length is “I don’t know if I know.” You see, as I said before, I am rather hesitant to claim any one dream in this moment, as I don’t want to shut any doors that may look more to my liking later (In other words: I am the most indecisive person on the planet. My family can testify to this). I don’t know that I have a dream right now. My dream is to continue my college education, and to discover what God wants me to do both in that and afterwards. Perhaps this is just me being scared of commitment or just scared of life in general. I can admit to that. But right now, I don’t know what the practical form of what makes me feel alive would be. I’ve told you what I like, I need someone to tell me how to use it.

These questions made me think up a few more to follow them. First, as opposed to your dream: What is your fear? In other words: What is stopping you? In what way can you entrust this to God and live by faith in Him? And other question that pertains more to what I have already said here: As opposed to listening to our hearts, how can we know God’s voice when He speaks? How do we know what our dream is or should be? What if we don’t have one? Are we not listening to God when He speaks, or has He simply told us to wait a while, and He will show us in due course? How can we know?

Kel

P.S. Some of these questions may not have straight answers, but a lot of the best questions end up being frustrating like that. Here is one universal answer to finish on: Prayer. In response to my latter question, personal time spent with God in prayer and in His word may be our best help to finding answers. As to my former set of questions, I’d like to share a prayer that you may have heard before, but it’s worth repeating. I had heard this some time ago, but was reminded of it the other day by one of the amazing professors here at JBU, and I have been reading it in the morning before I go off to my workstudy (and today before my Old Testament Survey exam!). Perhaps you can think on it as you go out and "be" with yourself and with God, as I encourage everyone to. It's a beautiful day, for it is one that the Lord has made and granted that we might live to see it. It's a beautiful world, for it is one that the Lord has made and granted that we might live in it. Go enjoy the time and place you've been given! And think on this prayer:

The Prayer of Saint Patrick:

As I arise today,
may the strength of God pilot me,
the power of God uphold me,
the wisdom of God guide me.
May the eye of God look before me,
the ear of God hear me,
the word of God speak for me.
May the hand of God protect me,
the way of God lie before me,
the shield of God defend me,
the host of God save me.
May Christ shield me today.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit,
Christ when I stand,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
Amen