The Want of Something to Want

I’d like to start off by saying how much I am absolutely LOVING Donald Miller’s “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years”. The book is truly eye-opening and the more relatable story I have ever heard – Miller understands things that I thought no one else felt. And I love his laid-back style. Anyway, on with the questions…

Chapter 20 of Miller’s book ends with a fascination statement: “It made me wonder if the reason our lives seem so muddles id because we keep walking into scenes in which we, along with the people around us, have no clear idea what we want.” This made me think: What do I want? (Ok, so the blog prompt I’m supposed to be responding to helped a little) It really is a good question, because to tell the truth I’m not sure I have an answer. What is it I want? I could give all kinds of answers here: Maybe I want to live a good life, or I want to be remembered, I want to bring God glory, I want to be a blessing to others, I could want all kinds of things. But what is it I DO want? The more I think about it the more I think the answer is this: I want to know what it is that I want and what it is that I should want. I know that’s kinda confusing. Right now, if I’m honest, I want to 1.) Be done with my homework and have a really long break 2.) Not get up early tomorrow, and 3.) Be able to do something about Moffat’s absolute ruining of my fav. TV show Doctor Who… but none of those three will happen any time soon. In the long run I want to 1.) Grow closer to God and discover what His plans are for me 2.) DO something about said plans as I discover them, 3.) Pursue my interests,  and 4.) Loose some (ok a lot) of weight. I know that last one seems different from the others, but it is the most physically obtainable and perhaps the area in which I have failed the most, despite having so much help and opportunity.

Oh, I’m supposed to be answering more than one question… the other is basically “how have you changed since coming to JBU?” And my answer to that is: Well obviously I’ve changed somewhat – I’ve changed my major from psychology to philosophy. I’ve changed my sleeping habits a bit and I’ve had a much tighter schedule. I’m still just as rubbish at remembering things as I used to be, I’ve stopped watching TV save for a few Doctor Who and Top Gear episodes when I can get them to load on MegaVideo… I’ve grown a lot more bogged down by all of this homework but at the same time I’ve found more time than ever to simply enjoy reading or being with friends. I think this change – this leap into the uncomfortable – has been good for me, spiritually, as it’s forced me to really rely on God and has opened my eyes even more to Him and His people. But at the same time it seems to have worn me out, as I’m already praying for a break and some real rest.

So in short: Want= To find what it is I should be doing, Change= More tired, eyes more open than ever to God.

Kel